Day 1 & Day 2

Day 1 – Dec 09

12.30pm

Resting in cabin after a refreshing walk. I have heard three rounds of Sirens today, out here, which is basically nowhere. Traffic accidents due to road conditions perhaps. It was very slippery last night as I returned to my cabin.

One round of sirens synchronistically occurred as I was considering a second round of lusciously delicious cornbread. According to my conscience at the time, that first round was already overindulgence as I had already had a slice of sourdough bread with onions, garlic and mushrooms in it. For me, the line between an innocent slice of bread and full on binge eating with regards for nothing and no one can be extremely fine, which is why it is important for me to exercise utmost caution in any food related matters, especially certain foods such as bread and sweets. I usually respond mentally to sirens interfering with my compulsive eating patterns with an attitude of ‘F*** YOU GOD, I DO WHAT I WANT’, and then set course for the ocean of binge eating, anger and guilt, but this time I did heed the ‘omen’ and decided to put the “gun” down.  (I often receive warnings about my behaviors when they are not aligned with universal law – sirens is one sign that often tends to show up for me.)

The 8am sitting was painful and constricted, but started to let go at the end. Immense drowsiness was present too, I nodded several times and had to work the technique of Anapana most of the time, a technique where awareness is placed on nostril breathing and the area between the nostrils and upper lip in particular, as a way of concentrating ones awareness and dodging distractions.

Had another sitting at 10 after chopping 5 pounds of onions, that one was a tearful story, with fluids flowing incessantly from every crevice of my face.

Meditation is really like upgrading the bandwith of the mind. I remember in the mid 90’s when my friends and I were just getting deeply into online gaming and the internet connections were still rather slow. The characters on the screen would tend to chop and shake their way forward when communication or ping times were high and information was lost or ‘choked’ along the way.

Just in the same manner we humans experience mental states such as anger, confusion and greed when our minds bandwith is choked and clogged with various defilements.

To upgrade our bandwith to levels where consistent free flow (love in pure form) may be experienced, we must take a deep dive inside and stay present with our pain until our inner energy channels or ‘astral tubes / nadis’ become purified and energy can pass through with least amount of obstructions. If we do not approach this work sincerely, we are bound to keep operating on an anciently retarded level till the day our bodies hit the scrapheap.

9.42pm

In bed, I encountered a lot of inner resistance today. Going to read a bit before going to sleep, borrowed a book from the library. “Meditation Now – inner peace through inner wisdom” by S.N. Goenka. Setting aim for a meditation in the hall before breakfast tomorrow.

Day2 – Dec 10
12.54pm

Break. Had lunch at 11, then cleanup and then a walk. A meditating student was sitting outside in the sun, although it’s freezing, pretty hardcore. I’m tired now. Had some vivid mental images of various things I desire in the future, to the point where it literally felt like I was living the experience although it was mental projection.

My digestion is stabilizing as tensions in the bowels are loosening, bowel movements two days in a row and no binge eating for 3 days, which is the longest I’ve went in quite a while. The meditation helps me stay with my emotions rather than escaping out of habit.

Did preparation work in the kitchen for tomorrows Thai curry lunch. Got the 3.30pm shift today with the German kitchen manager who goes by the name of Micha. Looking forward to that. It includes preparation work, making meals for the assistant teacher(s) and for the staff / servers.

                                                                         Brave Student

Tomorrow I’m on the 5.30am breakfast shift with another server named James. He’s a vegetarian helicopter technician with a passion for bodybuilding. There are no obvious surface common denominators for the people here, Dhamma is for everyone.

                                                                  Micha & James

Said hello to John during my walk after lunch, the elder fur of the course grounds, an instantly grounding experience. Have got a rather odd sensation between my calf muscle and the inner side of my right shinbone, feels as if something is creeping there every once in a while. I’m pretty sure it will come to pass any time soon given some vip-scanning (meditative attention) ;).

9.35pm

Brr..Cold. Might be a good idea to henceforth turn the heat on in my cabin a little while before bedtime. 2.30 sitting I found myself getting caught up in visions about the future, marriage and such, that is lingering in my mind. Dressed in white, like Galadriel and Celeborn from in the lord of the rings, with white facepaint creating symmetrical patterns as the two line up beside eachother. Strong inspiration for sharing great moments with other people arose. I feel that by persistent and patient work, inspiration will arise consistently so that what needs to manifest will be given space to do so.

2 major tension spots (negatively charged impressions of the mind / roots of behavioral patterns) have clearly made their bodily locations known, One on the left side of the diaphragm, just beneath the heart. It shortens the breath and interrupts digestion. Above: John the fur

The other is in the hip in what I perceive to be the piriformis (pear shaped) muscle connecting the sacrum to the major trochanter of the thighbone. This knot stiffen the legs, disrupts balance, delivers numbness in the outside of the right thigh. Together with the diaphragm knot it undermines core strength and literally caves in the abdominal area by pulling the core muscles in opposite directions.

Tomorrow I will prep breakfast at 5.45. Setting alarm for 4.20 with the intention to sit for 1hr before heading to kitchen.