My intention for these 10 days of Dhamma Service is to further establish myself into the Vipassana meditation technique, and to focus on expressing my feelings and letting go of the fear of 'hurting' or upsetting others. Truly, if we are ever to grow in relationships we must start taking responsibility for our own thoughts, words, and actions. This also includes trusting that others will do the same and thus dropping our guessing games regarding what others may think or feel.
This is a frequently reocurring experience in my life, where I will abstain from speaking up or expressing due to a fear of upsetting somebody. I also experience it the other way, where others withhold their truth due to a fear of being judged, hurting somebody, or the likes. Often with devastating results to trust and communication. I wish to have this tendency healed, at whatever cost. I have experimented a lot with the energy of supressing. Up until now, it is pretty much all I know, and I can vow for it's dysfunctionality. I now feel as if I need to familiarize myself with the energy of expression, to eventually reach a level of balance inbetween the two. I feel like a volcano that for a long time has been dormant, and now has reached such a pressure that the rumble has begun. The question is how I can make controlled eruptions, without making my life into a Pompeji, but instead like a neat display of polished pyrotechnics.
I wish to share a verse that is very dear to me right now.
Om Namah Shivaya Gurave
Satchidananda Murtaye
Nishprapanchaya Shantaya
Niralambaya Tejase
I bow to the True Teacher, within and without, that enlightens every heart;
that assumes the forms of reality, pure awareness and bliss,
that is never absent and is full of peace,
that, completely free, is the vital essence of illumination.
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